Understanding and Apologies
by eeveefairysparkle
Summary: After Sora leaves to try for the Mark of Mastery, Lea and Riku find themselves in a conversation neither thought they would ever be having. Two very different people find that, maybe, their differences aren't so great after all. One-shot, complete.


(A.N.: Hello Everyone! Hi Eevee.)

Hi A.N.. How's it going?

(A.N.: I've been lonely because you haven't _written_ anything in, like, forever)

Oh come on. We've still been talking; we've kept in contact.

(A.N.: Yes, that's true, but I've been stuck in your head this entire time. Not that bad, but it feels good to get out again.)

Yeah, sorry about the wait. This takes place after _Dream Drop Distance_, after Sora leaves to dive into the dreams again but before Lea (A.N.: Axel) leaves for Radiant Garden. Here we go.

(A.N.: DISCLAIMER! You forgot the disclaimer. You've been gone for too long.)

* * *

You could feel the tension in the air. You could practically cut it with a knife it was so thick. It wasn't animosity, necessarily, but awkwardness and mistrust between two very powerful people. The two people, Lea and Riku, were on opposite sides of Yen Sid's room, looking out of separate windows and engrossed in their own thoughts.

Riku was worried about Sora, of course. He knew that his friend could take care of himself, that he was safe now, and that this journey was something he had to do. But after everything that had just happened, it was only natural for Riku to feel on edge. He also couldn't stop worrying about the man in the room with him now. Axel, though he claimed to be Lea now, was once a member of Organization XIII. Riku knew that everyone deserved to be given a second chance, but Axel was a master at manipulating people. Riku knew first hand, though he hated himself for it, that the darkness was difficult to overcome. Why were they so certain that Axel had? How was it that everyone else seemed to instantly trust him? Why was he the only one suspicious of the man's motives? He was grateful for his help, in fact had Axel not been there Sora would have surely been lost. But all the same, he was still worried that Axel might be plotting something.

Lea, for his part, was watching the sunset, thinking about his home of Twilight Town. That gave him pause, when he first realized he thought of Twilight Town as home, instead of Radiant Garden. But it made sense; that was where he, Roxas, and their friend had spent their time, where they felt safe, close, and happy. Of course it was home. He thought of that mysterious friend, somewhere in his mind but just out of reach. He had forgotten something important, desperately important, and he had been turning most of his thoughts toward remembering. Still, he was distracted by the boy standing across the room from him. He knew Riku was a good person, really, but he couldn't bring himself to trust him. Roxas had been kidnapped, frightened, and hurt by him. He had lost the boy he considered a son, and while Riku was part of the group trying to rescue Roxas, Lea couldn't just forget. Roxas had been forced to forget, and they had both forgotten someone else precious, and Lea was hurt. At his most reasonable, Lea would recognize that what Riku did to Roxas to save Sora was not so different from what he, as Axel, had done to Sora in an attempt to save Roxas. The difference was that Riku had succeeded.

Riku sighed as he looked up from the window. "Axel?"

Lea groaned to himself. It annoyed him that Riku still insisted on calling him that. "Yes?"

"Sora told us that nobodies were able to regain their hearts over time. He said that you, Roxas, and your friend had done so. That you were able to cry, laugh, and feel. Is that true?"

Lea didn't answer for a bit. "Yes," he replied after a time.

"If you were able to feel, why did you stay with the Organization? Didn't you realize that they had lied? That what they were doing was wrong? If you could feel, why did you still say you didn't have a heart!?" Riku had started in almost a whisper, but his voice grew louder until he was practically shouting at Lea. Riku couldn't help thinking that Axel had used it as an excuse. _I don't have a heart so I can be as cruel as I want; it's not my fault_.

Lea turned to look Riku in the eye then. He wasn't losing his cool, oddly enough. He waited for Riku to catch his breath before replying. "Thinking I was using it as an excuse, huh?" Lea smirked briefly at Riku's shocked expression. "Well, it's not that simple. It's a gradual process. You don't wake up one morning and suddenly _feel_ again. It's slow, and when we were told that we didn't actually feel anything, we didn't notice as it started to come back, thought we were imagining it, we were just acting. Got it memorized?"

Riku still didn't quite believe it. He raised his eyebrows at Axel – he refused to think of him as Lea – to show his disbelief.

Lea considered just walking off. Why was he talking, trying to justify himself to this guy? But he continued. "It's kind of like waking up slowly after being asleep for awhile. You can't pinpoint the moment you started to wake up. You don't regain awareness right away; you can't tell whether you're dreaming or awake, in fact you may be a bit of both. Unless something shocks you awake suddenly, you can be fully awake and never have noticed when it happened." Lea paused, thinking. "Not the best metaphor, but that's basically what it's like. By the time I realized that we were being lied to, that Roxas, our friend, and I somehow had hearts, I also knew that to leave the Organization would be suicide." Riku was shocked to see a small tear rolling down Axel's cheek. "Really, I wasn't exactly wrong, was I?" Lea finished in a whisper.

"And you did leave, when they were both…" Riku was a bit surprised to find his throat was tight. He was starting to realize that, maybe, he had misjudged Axel, Lea. Were they really so different? He had found himself in a horrible darkness, unable to escape, and desperate to protect those precious to him. Riku understood that.

"Yeah," Lea gasped out. It was quiet for some time, but it was no longer tense or awkward. It was comforting, understanding. Lea looked up then and continued, realizing that he and Riku were not so different, that he could talk to him, and he didn't really blame him for what had happened. "I realized that they had hearts before I realized that I did. I saw their feelings, their innocence, and wanted to protect them. I realized that I _cared_."

"That was when you knew?"

Lea was silent for a moment, considering. "Actually, I think it was something else, now that I think about it."

Riku nodded, urging him to continue, if he wanted.

"Roxas and I were on a mission, in Neverland. And, well, you know how people can fly in Neverland, right?" Riku nodded. "Well, we were out flying over the sea, fighting some giant heartless. We were doing well too, but then Roxas took a hit. He fell, into the sea."

Riku couldn't help but gasp. He knew it must have turned out alright, but he had the feeling that Lea couldn't swim, as connected to fire as he was.

"I felt things then, though I didn't realize it, or believe I actually felt it. I was scared for him, scared of losing him. I felt caring and love, after all, I had actually started to think of him as brother… or a son. I was angry, at the heartless for knocking him in, Roxas for getting hit, myself for letting it happen. I was nervous; I knew I was going to have to jump in after him, and while I can actually swim, I still _really_ don't like water. But all of that was sort of muted, or still waking up."

Lea paused for a bit, and when he started talking again, he actually sounded scared, though he was safe in the tower. "I dove in right after him, of course. It was dark, cold, and _wet_. I started… HEY! Don't laugh. Wet is a big deal. Fire, got it memorized?"

Riku had the grace to look suitably embarrassed. "Sorry," he said, though he rather ruined the effect by still shaking with barely repressed giggles.

Lea gave a long-suffering sigh before he continued. "I started looking for him, but I couldn't see him, couldn't see anything. You remember how I mentioned waking up suddenly? Something shocks you awake? Well that can happen with an emotion too. It happened then."

"What emotion was it?" Riku asked. Lea had already mentioned all the emotions he could be expected to be feeling at the time.

"Panic," Lea replied. "Pure, terrified, panic. Do have any idea how unhelpful panic is to actually solving the problem that caused it? Now imagine that you hadn't felt it in years, and it hits like a freight train. One moment I was calm, the next I was drowning in panic. Then I was actually drowning. I froze up, couldn't even move. Couldn't help Roxas, let alone myself."

"What happened?"

"Roxas hadn't actually been knocked unconscious, just stunned. He snapped out of it as soon as he hit the water. He got himself out in time to see me dive in. When I didn't come up he dove in to get me. I had frozen up so I didn't resist when he dragged me to shore."

"And that's when you knew? You knew that something about what they had told you was wrong?"

"Yeah…" Lea seemed suddenly withdrawn, like he hadn't meant to reveal so much of himself. Had forgotten whom he was talking to. He had never trusted this kid. Was only on the same team because it was his best chance of finding Roxas and their friend. But Lea had never actually given Riku a reason to trust him. Never shown regret for his actions. He understood this boy, and he knew what he had to say next.

Riku, for his part, was stunned. He realized that until now, he had not thought of Axel, Lea, as actually being human. That was the problem, he hadn't thought of him as an actual person, and this story clearly proved how wrong he was. Riku felt ashamed. He understood this man, and he knew what he had to say next.

"I'm sorry."

They both looked up. Startled the other had apologized. Startled that they had apologized themselves.

They stayed like that for a time. Just enjoying each other's company in companionable silence. In actual friendship and understanding.

Riku broke the silence first. "So, you're going to Radiant Garden soon, aren't you?"

"Yep, got to find out if the other members of the old Organization have joined the new one. I have no idea where any of the others are from, so Radiant Garden seems like the best place to start. I'll go from there."

"Right. Good luck then, Lea"

Lea grinned, who knew he could have such a genuine, bright smile? "There you go. Finally got it memorized, huh?"

* * *

YES YES YES

(A.N.: I thought this was supposed to be a conversation. It ended up being Lea talking at Riku most of the time.)

I know, and that bugs me. But, I sat down to write and this is what you gave me. I never really got what authors meant by the story took on a life of its own until I wrote this. I like how this turned out though.

(A.N.: Yep, and for those that don't get what Eevee meant by what I gave her, I am Eevee's fairy or muse. Oh, that Neverland bit.)

Right, so I feel like a might have read a fanfic a long time ago that involved Roxas almost drowning in Neverland and Axel saving him. I can't find it again and have no idea where to start looking. I am pretty sure this idea is different enough, and it turned out in a different way, so we shouldn't run into any problems there. If wrote that story, or know the story I'm talking about let me know and I will check it out. If it is the one I'm thinking about then I will make a mention of it here. A.N.? Take it away.

(A.N.: We hope you have enjoyed this story. Please review, let us know what you thought, all that good stuff. See you all later, if Eevee ever posts again. _*glare at Eeeve*)_


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